


I Miss Your Shadows And All That Lurked Within Them

by Ghetsyde



Series: Six Lines of Repentance [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Pain, Past Abuse, Poetry, Regret, Sad, Self-Harm, Suicidal Deceit, Suicidal Thoughts, lots of pain, this is also really depressing, this is in deceit's pov, what is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-27
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-09-01 05:13:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16758619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ghetsyde/pseuds/Ghetsyde
Summary: look i made another weird poem. i think i'm gonna make it a series and call it "six lines of repentance."[this is not meant to sympathize with abusers. this is part of the story of an abuser who has realized the gravity of his actions and it is causing him immense guilt.]My soul is in pieces, and it is my fault.You are the love of my life,The very reason I carved away my flesh in place of my heart,And all I could do was hurt you,Because I was too afraid to admit that I was scared.And now the only emotion in my soul is loathing for myself.





	I Miss Your Shadows And All That Lurked Within Them

My soul is in pieces, and it is my fault.  
You are the love of my life,  
The very reason I carved away my flesh in place of my heart,  
And all I could do was hurt you,  
Because I was too afraid to admit that I was scared.  
And now the only emotion in my soul is loathing for myself.

And though I know you hate me, That you do not wish to see me again,  
I miss you far too much.  
I miss your shadows and all that lurked within them,  
I miss the light cast by your ever-elusive smile that would surround them.  
But above all else, I knew that I missed you the most,  
And it hurts met to acknowledge that you are better off without me.

You are the reason that I had avoided research on the dreaded topic of death  
Because I was too afraid of what I'd do to myself  
If our mortality was revealed as truth.  
But when you left, I knew I must find out if I could end my pain and guilt.  
And when I found that I could not, I tore away so much of myself  
That I was sure that the unconsciousness that followed would bring release.

I can no longer stand up,  
For my body is too weak, my bones turned from stone to glass,  
And I cannot bring myself to rise long enough to restock my pantry,  
So I lie here, hungry for food and for the love of another,  
Knowing that I cannot have nor deserve either,  
Because I am a horrible beast who was forever meant to be alone.


End file.
